Dear Matt, We'll Rise Above This
by brokenhearts.brokenglass
Summary: A songfic and letter. From Mello to Matt, set to Rise Above This by Seether. Read and Review, thanks!


Dear Mail Jeevas,

_Take the light and darken everything around me,  
Call the clouds, and listen closely, I'm lost without you. _

I'm sorry I had to leave you behind. It wasn't the easiest decision in my life. No, wait, it was the most painstakingly hardest decision my mind has had to decipher the answer to in the years of my existence. Yes, that sounds more accurate. Matt, ever since I left you at Wammy's there has never been a time when you left my mind; you run through it constantly without stopping. The colors of the world have all faded to black, as if somebody has turned off the light in a room with no windows and shut the door. I don't know what I'm doing here anymore as I wander through the streets, looking for a place to stay or for a posse of people who will take me in. The world has turned into a mind numbingly difficult puzzle that even Near or L wouldn't be able to solve past two pieces. It's all because of the lack of you around me.

_Call your name everyday, _

_When I feel so helpless.  
_

Have you left the insane institution known as Wammy's House yet, Matt? Can you hear the calls of your alias and your actual name in the streets if you have left? I call for you, every day. I need you, Matt. I've known you forever, and I don't know how to live without your presence. Loneliness makes me helpless, and you know what I always did when I felt helpless? I ran to you to comfort me, to make me feel better. Answer the calling of your name... please, Matt. I need you!

_  
I've fallen down, but I'll rise above this._

Maybe I should attempt to forget about you.. would you like me to do that? I'm not even sure if you'll read this letter because it's from me. If I'm starting to lose my head out here on the streets, I'm a dead man. Matt, I promise you that, since we'll never see one another again, I'll move on from you.. I'll rise above the pain and loneliness. True, I might lose my real self along the way... but at least you'll know I'm not in pain because you aren't with me.. right?

_Hate your mind, regrets are better left unspoken.  
For all we know this void will grow,  
And everything's in vain, distressing you though it leaves me open,  
Feels so right that I'll end this all before it gets me. _

I don't regret anything we did, and I don't regret being your friend. Please know that Matt. You screamed it at me as you saw me walking through those gates when I left... I still hear the clearness echoing against my eardrums despite the months it's been, "Mello, why do you regret being my friend? Why are you leaving? MELLO!" I could hear the pain as you spoke too Matt. Maybe that'll just make the ache in my chest where my heart should be throb more, making it even more impossible to forget you. My leaving was in vain, and I know that. I just wanted to be ahead of Near... and that's all that was running through my mind. Even as you screamed at me, I never told you goodbye... or even changed my mind about leaving you there. I know I've put you through an incredible amount of pain, Matt... I'm sorry. I don't think any of the wounds are going to scar or stop bleeding. That is why I send you this letter; I'm trying to put an end to all this pain before it gets to both of us.

_I'll mend myself before it gets me..  
__I'll mend myself before it gets me..  
I'll mend myself before it gets me..  
I'll mend myself before it gets me.. _

That's right... I should have told you our final goodbyes to your face and not in some letter you'll probably shred before you open it... but I should try, right? I want everything to be alright with us, so at least the pain will subside just a tiny bit. I want you to know that I actually care about you, and that it'll be hard moving on.. fixing myself before I shatter and fall down harder than I fell when I fell for you. Please, Matt, forgive me. Let's both try to fix ourselves now... and let's pray that we'll see each other again before we die, however slim that chance may be.

I love you.

Sincerely,

Mello


End file.
